so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
