I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
