captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
