Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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