she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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