I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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