Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize