It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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