I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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