Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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