foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
