there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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