As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
