she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
