are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
