Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Randomize