we have pet lesbian snakes
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
