I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
