You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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