there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
