watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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