I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
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