I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize