Sponge bath it is.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
