god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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