her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
barbara walters just said penis...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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