is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
