hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
