bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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