Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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