So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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