Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The power of my boobs compel you
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
