what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
