also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
