I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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