The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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