How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
my sisters under your porch take her home
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
