The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
