I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
