his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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