yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
