So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
