I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
