Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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