I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
