Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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