I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
