Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
