i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We're too hungover to prance.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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