He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
