discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
