i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
