hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
