1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
