And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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