now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
