are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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