Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
YAS. BRING CRAB.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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