Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
