were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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