I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
