watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
