And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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