I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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